New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
