so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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