im gay
i know
yea but for you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
