drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
