Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
