Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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