I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
