Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
