3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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