I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
