Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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