I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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