Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
