My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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