I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He? As in you personified your dick?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
