Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
