I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
