Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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