If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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