you win again, gameday.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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