I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
