he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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