Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
His nipple licking is glorious
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
