Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize