who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize