i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
