he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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