Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
