dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
