Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
