The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
