My liver just broke up with me...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
