the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
