we have officially lost it.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
