It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize