This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
