I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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