I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize