Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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