Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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