I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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