I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
