So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just forgot I was standing up.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
