I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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