ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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