I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
