I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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