I'm really into asian looking animals
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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