he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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