he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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