these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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