i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
