My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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