In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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