they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
