So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
