Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
