Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
