idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
