apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
