Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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