I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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