turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
