I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love having hate sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Please don't give away my fajitas
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