It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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