feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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