Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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