Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
