yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
