im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
