yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
