i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
