What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
