Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
