He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
