woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
