Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
