lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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